led

Being freaked out makes for an interesting dynamic at home, what with the imminent heart attack fears and all.  I went away for a weekend, and re-entry semi-sucked, as it always does (except that the darling man vacuumed up a whole house! several times, after the squirrel trashed so much).  Coming back down to some else’s anxiety and OCD… someone else’s unexpected lab results and resulting fears, to doctors actually activated to alert status, tinkering with medicines.  But wow, again, that year of intensive outpatient treatment has not yet met its match.  Skills are deployed, waters calmed, oversized christmas tree procured.  l.e.d.s are cold.  this christmas is cold so far.  Here’s the strained analogy: l.e.d.s look like lights — the ones with warmth and memories, but feel like a cheap stand-in for real light.  like this on-the-surface happy family, with the darkness waiting to jump out of the cake.  But no complaints, really.  Everyone is finding new ways to deal with old troubles, and I am trying to look away from the l.e.d.

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